


Asking for Help

by cockles_take_the_wheel



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Cockles, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-17
Updated: 2013-09-17
Packaged: 2017-12-27 01:39:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/972802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cockles_take_the_wheel/pseuds/cockles_take_the_wheel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen has a brand new, two-month-old, crying child at home and he doesn’t know who else to turn to for help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Asking for Help

"Hey." Misha answered his phone, only just then noticing he had 2 missed calls from him. "Sorry I missed you before. What’s up?"

"I don’t know what to do." Jensen’s voice was ragged. He sounded worse than Misha could ever remember. It was the middle of July and they’d just started shooting Season 9. 

"Don’t know what to do about what?" Misha asked, sitting up in his seat, ready to devote all his attention to this conversation. The lines he’d been looking over at this small dining-room table in his Vancouver apartment would have to wait.

"It’s JJ." He said, and his voice actually cracked. 

"Is she okay?"

"No, yeah. I mean, she’s fine. I guess." Jensen was quick to put those worries to rest for Misha, but he still had no idea what Jensen was talking about. "It’s just…" he sort of trailed off, like he’d lost his nerve.

"Whatever it is, Jen, it’ll be okay. How can I help?" Misha made sure to make his tone light and even. He could still recall, distinctly, the terror when West was born and he thought he was doing everything wrong. He’d gone to his friends with kids then for a shoulder to cry on, for help, for a sanity check. And since JJ was just around 2 months now, it seemed like this was about the right time for a freak-out. 

"She won’t stop crying, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t even help, man. You know, I’m like useless. I’m  _less than_  useless. All she wants to do is nurse and Dani’s going crazy, she needs like 5 minutes to herself, but it’s like JJ doesn’t know who I am. And every time I get within five feet of her she wails. She doesn’t want me, I swear, it’s like she hates me or something. And most of the time, I’m just a wreck because she won’t stop crying and I don’t know what she wants. I’m a fucking failure, not even two months in and I fail at being a father.” At some point in the middle of his rant, Jensen started crying. 

Misha was 100% sure it was from lack of sleep, and that frustration that father’s so often get after birth because for some reason you think this kid is just supposed to pop out and know you are, and love you, and want to be held by you. And even though you know it’s crazy, there’s some part of you that always thinks when you hold them for the first time it will be like this magic switch where they’ll know you and they will finally start feeling real, like they’re yours and not just some rando kid.

But all that’s bullshit. The first time he held West, he was happy - like crying his eyes out happy. But it still didn’t feel real. It took months before that magic bond that mother and child have seemed to grow in him. It took time, and tears and sweat and shit and  _time_. 

So, that’s what Misha tells him. He confesses to his best friend what it was like for him to be a father the first time. He would have told Jensen sooner, but Misha knew this was a conversation for when Jensen could finally relate to what Misha had gone through. Because you tell a new dad before the baby comes that he’s going to be scared shitless, and fucking want to puke and run away, they tend to look at you like your crazy. But after a few months, when they finally reach that breaking point - whatever it is - exploding poopy diaper, crying for four days straight, screaming at the sight of you and only sleeping in mommy’s arms - then they’re ready to admit that they’re scared. That they need help.

And after half an hour of Misha confessing to every horrible thing a father never wants to admit, that he hates his kid, that he resent him, that he can’t stand his wife, that if he hears crying one more time he’s going to go for a week-long drive, that he wasn’t to fucking drown himself in alcohol, that’ he’s a miserable, spectacular failure, Jensen finally speaks up.

"But you’re a great father. You’re amazing with your kids." Jensen says, like there is some great difference between him and Misha.

"And you will be too. It just takes time. Time for her to get a little older. Once she can hold her head up, and open her eyes and hold your finger. Once she starts laughing and gurgling and eating solids and talking and walking—"

"That’s like a year away!"

"Well, some of it, yeah. But trust me, it just takes time. You are already a good father, because you’re doing exactly what you should be doing."

"What, freaking out?"

"Yes, freaking out, and asking for help. That’s how you learn. That’s how you know what to expect." Misha nodded while he held his phone to his cheek, like he was encouraging Jensen to agree with him. It was really important to Misha that Jensen believe him, that he called for help.

"I just don’t see how I get from here to there." Jensen finally admitted, softly, and Misha knew he almost had him. In all honesty, what Jensen had needed more than anything, was just someone to vent to, to confess his fears and feelings of failure and inadequacy to. 

"One day at a time. That’s all. You gonna get there. Trust me."

And that was it, his clincher, the one that thing that Jensen couldn’t just ignore,  _trust_. 

"Yeah, okay. Okay." He laughed, and to Misha’s ears it sounded a little self-deprecating. "Hey, can you do a favor though - another one?"

Misha laughed, because, really - like he could ever say ‘no’ to anything Jensen ever asked? “Sure, anything.”

"Don’t, ah, mention this to Jared. Just… you know, keep it between us."

"Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me." Misha laughed and Jensen chuckled before he said his goodbyes and hung up. And the sense of pride that filled Misha, knowing that Jensen had come to him, had trusted him, confided in him, was one of the greatest feelings in the world. 

He knew Jensen was going to be an amazing father, that was never in question. But getting to be, in any small way, a part of that, a part of his life, made Misha feel like every choice he’d made in his life that got him to this point was right. Being a part of Jensen’s life was right.

**Author's Note:**

> image source: google search


End file.
